Full of Fear and Wonder

  

You are the one who created my innermost parts;    you knit me together while I was still in my mother’s womb.

I give thanks to you that I was marvelously set apart.

    Your works are wonderful—I know that very well.

My bones weren’t hidden from you

    when I was being put together in a secret place,

    when I was being woven together in the deep parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my embryo,

    and on your scroll every day was written that was being formed for me,

    before any one of them had yet happened.

God, your plans are incomprehensible to me!

    Their total number is countless!

If I tried to count them—they outnumber grains of sand!

    If I came to the very end—I’d still be with you.

Psalm 139:13-18

Here we are. As I lay on the “luxurious” cot in her hospital room I am pondering what is to be. Tomorrow we meet the child God created. Tomorrow we see our son. In a moment I’m both full of fear and wonder. 

I finally understand a little bit better what David meant when he said he was fearfully and wonderfully made. Here it is translated “marvelously set apart.”  How beautiful! 

I’m not focused on his looks, though I believe he’ll be handsome. I’m focused on his reflection. He is made in the image of God. Nothing else in creation except humanity has this image. He reflected God to me. I get to see not only a miracle in birth, but I get to see yet another reflection of God enter this world. 

I have so many questions I wish God would answer. “What will be his passions? What will be his weaknesses? Will he struggle with my same struggles? Will he have my same success? What are Your plans for him?” I ask, but no answers come. So I quietly ponder. 

I ponder in wonder.  

Tomorrow I become a father. “Do I have the skills to be a dad? Can I really raise a son? How will we pay for everything? What if there are problems?” I ask, but no answers come. So I quietly ponder. 

I ponder in fear. 

Then I remember. 

David tells me. “If I came to the very end–I’d still be with you.” 

It doesn’t matter how good a parent I can be. It doesn’t matter how much money I have. It doesn’t matter what mountains, valleys, problems, troubles, joys, or trials we face. God is with me. Each step. Every day. I need have no fear but a fear of respect for God. He’s got this. 

And if I ever question, even for a second, if God is with me, all I need to do is remember my son’s reflection tomorrow. 

God is so good! 

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Published by: Brad Kirk

I'm an ordained Elder in the Great Plains Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church and serve as pastor of Leoti UMC in western Kansas. I am a graduate of Asbury Theological Seminary. I love being a husband to Diana and a father to Tobin. Most of all I am a child of God!

1 Comment

One thought on “Full of Fear and Wonder”

  1. Well said, Brad. You are beginning a life long journey as a father. Your example will lead the way for this precious child. Only God knows the plans He has for this child, but it is up to you as his father to be an example of God to him. Love him with out boundaries, discipline with love never anger, set limits and stick by them. Sing, play, dance in God’s presence daily. Teach him that he is loved with an everlasting love and underneath all are the everlasting arms of a God who will never ever leave or forsake him.
    Know that you and Diana are loved always.

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